Anyone who thinks that doves are peaceful hasn’t seen them around a birdfeeder. You know that Old Testament dove that was carrying an olive branch? That branch was a freakin’ weapon! I’ll bet he used it to bitch-slap the competition over a potential mate.
The past few days, my birdfeeder has been overrun by a gang of doves. I know, I know, a group of doves is actually called a dole, flight, or piteousness. But these doves are a feathered group of thugs.
They strart out by hiding in the dogwood branches. They wait until the cardinals, finches and other songbirds get to eatin’ and chattin’. Then one or two of the doves will drop down to the ground to peck up what the songbirds have dropped. When the time is right, one of the thugs on the ground looks up into the branches, gives a little dovey gang sign, and the rest of ‘em drop straight down to the feeder, scaring off the songbirds. The cardinals and bluejays try to hold their turf, but the doves are too big, plus, I could swear I saw one flash a .32 under its wing. The mockingbirds don’t even hold up against them.
Those doves are rather arrogant, too. One of them strutted right up to Cheyenne. I guess he figured that since her eyesight wasn’t so hot, he’d push the issue. Well, the old gal’s ears and nose still work quite well; if she were a bit sprier, that dove would have been a snack.
I expect this behavior from pigeons, which are doves (all doves aren’t pigeons). I suppose that I expected these more regal looking, wild doves to behave like country gentry, not urban hooligans. Maybe they’re trailer park doves. Yeah, that’s it, they must come over from one of the nearby trailer parks. Not that I’m profiling; but come on…even Mother Nature hates trailer parks…why do you think tornadoes always hit ‘em? (am I inviting bad karma?)
Maybe it’s only a certain member of the Columbidae family that is peaceful and kind. Maybe they’re bred that way. Maybe they’re given lobotomies. Oooorrrr, since it’s white doves that are often portrayed as docile, maybe regular old doves are taken and bleached…hence, the bleaching process gets them high and makes them peace loving little beakniks.
So, given my keen observation of backyard avian behavior, I will never again think of doves as the symbols of peace. I will forever seen them as coniving little feathered-trailer-trash punks.
